dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize