just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
