First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
