That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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