I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
