Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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