There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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