Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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