pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
