Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
