dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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