I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
