I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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