She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
