Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
