so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
