Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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