you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
