She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
