onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
