Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
