well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Damn victory sex feels great
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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