I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
