these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
