Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
