I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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