I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
