Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
