but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
