dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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