currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
