My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
