you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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