How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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