weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
