I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
