I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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