I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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