Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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