No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
