I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
