I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's shark week go big or go home
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
