Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
