Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Enjoy the penises
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
