i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
