I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
