So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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