I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
