How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
