I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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