I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
