I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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