I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I want a musical about memes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize