It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
