I just pynch a tree in the face
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
