ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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