It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
