I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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