saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
