Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
