I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
