Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
