look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
