This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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