You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
