Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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