clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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