I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
