There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize