hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
