dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
