i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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