end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
